It’s been a difficult year. Misinformation. Dividing. Conquering. Liars lying. Politicians politicianing. Constant bombardment of needless static. I’ve asked mentally and out loud for a break from all the noise and I don't get it. Defences are low. Then, tonight, after a busy day at day job, a busy job getting the fuck home, a busy brain puking up in the half-light of my home, the through-line comes into view again. Not anyone’s job but your own to get clear. You take the line that has smashed its way into your forehead like dynamite placed by a worker to get through a mountain and you direct the tracks. Yep, ok, back on them.
It’s taken a minute to feel like I’ve landed back onto the right itinerary. Nothing’s lined up how I planned, but now I remember that planning has never once worked for me. So, it’s time to get back into just moving and trusting that the destination is the least of my troubles. The fun is in figuring out how to get there.
The troubles I’ve felt change shape every time I finish something important to my forward motion. New album is done. I dragged out my drawing tools and sat waiting for the urge to draw to hit. Those tools sit untouched. I felt the need to keep making music, but I don’t know how anything looks. I’ve nothing mapped out, no concept, no sound in mind. But I’ve reached out in a couple directions, terrified, but I still did it, and it’s all panned out, so that’s the thing, I guess: asking for what I want. And tonight, just sitting here in the light of the christmas tree, a song started showing up, just like ‘oh hey, you’re relaxing about it again, so here’s what I’m thinking…’
Of course, this time of year is conducive to reflection. Maybe I needed to sit tight until tonight, but then I look back in the notes on my phone, and I have the better part of five songs sitting, legs crossed, tapping their fingers on their chair armrests waiting for me to link my brain back into their mainframe. Nothing goes away, it just waits for the right time. Relax about it.
That’s the gift for me, this season.
Kickstarter will include the new album, a live EP, my book, a zine, original art, tickets to live performances, and some other stuff. People involved include Phil Scott, Jason Lee Scott, Jason Colvin, Jsigna, Mark Elliott Muz, Paul Schmold, Michael Turner, Mandy Cousins, Mike Tindall, Brandon Kelm and another creative or two. I hope you all get the rest you need this holiday season. I hope you all will consider me in the new year as I roll The Compassion Dial out into the world. I’m in this for as long as I breathe. I’ve caught my breath again. I’m on track.